A.E. Housman

From: A Shropshire Lad (listening to: a gentle breeze)

---

When I was one-and-twenty
I heard a wise man say,
`Give crowns and pounds and guineas
But not your heart away;
Give pearls away and rubies
But keep your fancy free.'
But I was one-and-twenty
No use to talk to me.

When I was one-and-twenty
I heard him say again,
`The heart out of the bosom
Was never given in vain;
'Tis paid with sighs a plenty
And sold for endless rue.'
And I am two-and-twenty
And oh, 'tis true, 'tis true.

---

If truth in hearts that perish
Could move the powers on high,
I think the love I bear you
Should make you not to die.

Sure, sure, if stedfast meaning,
If single thought could save,
The world might end to-morrow,
You should not see the grave.

This long and sure-set liking,
This boundless will to please,
-- Oh, you should live for ever,
If there were help in these.

But now, since all is idle,
To this lost heart be kind,
Ere to a town you journey
Where friends are ill to find.

---

Into my heart an air that kills
From yon far country blows:
What are those blue remembered hills,
What spires, what farms are those?

That is the land of lost content,
I see it shining plain,
The happy highways where I went
And cannot come again.

---

Shot? so quick, so clean an ending?
Oh that was right, lad, that was brave:
Yours was not an ill for mending,
'Twas best to take it to the grave.

Oh you had forethought, you could reason,
And saw your road and where it led,
And early wise and brave in season
Put the pistol to your head.

Oh soon, and better so than later
After long disgrace and scorn,
You shot dead the household traitor,
The soul that should not have been born.

Right you guessed the rising morrow
And scorned to tread the mire you must:
Dust's your wages, son of sorrow,
But men may come to worse than dust.

Souls undone, undoing others, --
Long time since the tale began.
You would not live to wrong your brothers:
Oh lad, you died as fits a man.

Now to your grave shall friend and stranger
With ruth and some with envy come:
Undishonoured, clear of danger,
Clean of guilt, pass hence and home.

Turn safe to rest, no dreams, no waking;
And here, man, here's the wreath I've made:
'Tis not a gift that's worth the taking,
But wear it and it will not fade.

While some things change...

Some things stay the same. (listening to: Complete, total silence)

So, here's the thrust. You don't hear many girls nowadays say "I can't, I'm washing my hair." And why don't we hear that? Because guys figured out the code. We know now that it just means you ladies aren't interested, and that we should bugger off, save our pride. So, you had to get creative. Well, in the recent past, a giant e-vite must have gone around to all the world's women and they all got together in front of the sacred council of the Y chromosome and while drinking completely organic tea and eating boca burgers, it was decreed that the phrase "I can't, I'm washing my hair" would be replaced with "You know, I'm just not looking for a relationship right now."

And the catch is, we men.. we actually believed that. After all, it seemed reasonable. And you ladies... you took a page from our book and explained things logically. "I just got out of a bad relationship, and I need some time off." or "I'm just really busy with my career right now." These, on the surface, seem like rational arguments. But the thing is ladies, you really should all compare notes with each other and eased this parlance into usage. When too many of y'all use it on the same guy.. the jig is up. And this guy has found out your code.

Guys, this clever and seemingly-rational turn of phrase holds no more truth than what it replaced. Sure, maybe they really are just "washing their hair." But in all likelihood, it's not that they don't want a relationship. They just don't want one with you.

It's a hard fact to get used to. Trust me.

What Happens to a Dream Deferred?

Does it dry up like a raisin in the sun? (listening to: "Some Postman" by Presidents)

So, for the more observant of you, you've already noticed that I've added a show to the news page on my website. The show is Theatre Pro Rata's MACHINAL, and I was offered a really good role (a couple, really) in it. However, One of the performances takes place on the same night my friend Biggy is getting married, so after some deliberation and talking with people very close to me, I've decided that I can't perform in that production. The theatre company was VERY accomodating, and even offered to move the showtime out to 8:00pm to allow me to drive back that night. I just couldn't do that to myself, or to Biggy. This is a huge deal, and I committed to him first. So, that's that.
I'm kind of upset about it, though. Not at Biggy, at all, or really, at anyone but myself. I keep thinking that something is going to work out for me. That I'll end up getting something to work, and that once that happens, everything will be ok. But nothing comes, and the little victories turn into little mediocrities, and then, eventually, those just turn into "thought-I-had"s. I fell like I'm not really an actor lately, and For the last eight years, that's all I've ever wanted. I feel like I keep putting it off, keep saying that there will be time, that I just have to give myself time. I'm 24, and right now, the only thing keeping me alive is my day job, which I don't really like that much. Not that anyone likes their day job, but the point is that the one thing that always made me really happy (that wasn't a person), I feel like I'm letting go. Or pushing it off. I don't know, maybe I'm just feeling insecure with everything going on around me lately. Stay tuned, though.. I've gotten the last five auditions I've been to, so... there'll be a show coming up. In the meantime, there's always Comedy Sportz.

In music news, I've cought up with the rest of the world and fell in love with The Postal Service (the band, not the government agency). They're fantastic. Also, I've rediscovered The Presidents of the United States of America. I highly recommend checking out the song I'm listening to right now. Run, don't walk.

Otherwise, not much is going on. Work is getting interesting. There was a new position just posted at the same company for a job I think I'd like a lot more, so I need to figure out how to tactfully going about applying for that job. It's going to suck if I have to leave my coworkers in the support trenches, but.. I have to do what's right for me.. plus it's got a pay raise. And more money is definitely needed for the Giant Black Beast that is the PS3. If you haven't heard, the damn thing is $599. And on launch day, I won't be surprised if I find myself $1000 lighter. Yes, really. So, If you'd like to make a donation, feel free to do so. Any gift helps- for the price of a cup of coffee a day, you can help save the gaming world of the Madjai. And since he doesn't have many friends to hang out with anymore since leaving college and all, he needs the distraction. Won't you please save the children?

I mentioned Comedy Sportz earlier. I'm serious about coming. Some of you have been more than once (only one of you is probably reading this), but others of you haven't, and you should come. You know who you are. I was sent out on my first remote show the other day. It was a 30-minute show at a church. It was pretty interesting. A lot different feel to it than a theatre show, but the money is almost insanely better- forcing me to wonder just where all the money is going. It's probably keeping the doors open in the theatre in some business-y way I have no concept of.. but I'm young, and allowed to be greedy. Anyway, day by day my CSz shows are getting better, so in about a year, I should be a valued and contributing member of that society.

I want to go see XMen 3. I've got no one to go with... can I really go by myself? We'll find out, I guess...

(CW)TM out.