Three-Day Weekend, and Turning Over a New Leaf

Time for a new beginning. (listening to: "Comfortably Numb" by Pink Floyd)

So.. how's everyone been? Good? Excellent.

I find myself at the end of a three-day weekend, and so much has happened in these three tiny days, I stagger at the weight of it.

First of all, if you have the means, and are in the area, go see Daisy's Show. It's pretty good, and if you're into old-school melodrama with a dash of audience interaction, I think you'll love it. She's fantastic in it, but this should come as no surprise to anyone who knows her. It's showing at the Bloomington Civic Theatre's Black box, (you'll have to check out City Pages web site -> calendar -> theatre for times and prices. The BCT website doesn't list it. Go. Right now.)

On top of that, it's just been insanity. I don't really want to get into it here, but it's the end of a very long era, and while I'm still in shock from it ending quite so suddenly, I'm hoping it brings happiness and relief to those involved. And.. that's all I really have to say about it. I'm sorry.

On a sidenote, I've been spending more time lately going over some of my old college religion texts. I really miss pounding through them. I'm going to take a piece of my bonus check at work, and go buy some more. Going through one of them in particular really awoke in me something I've been missing, and it's spurred me to a rather interesting decision: I'm going to go back to teaching confirmation.

The lutheran faith has this cute little "ceremony" that teenagers go through where they study the faith, and in a couple years, they go through "confirmation," which basically means they accept and re-confirm their baptism. I used to teach this when I was in High School with my oldest friend Dan, and I'd forgotten why I did it. I want to get back into going to church and getting people to actually THINK about their faith, rather than just blindly singing hymns and going through the motions. Maybe in this I'll find some peace to offset the chaos of late. Who knows, it'll be worth it no matter what. To be part of someone's faith again... I miss that.

So, I've sent out e-mails to a couple of the churches nearby me, and let them know my background, and my philosophy on faith. If they bite, awesome. If they're afraid of it, then I'll move on.

All in all, I'm sad, confused, and desperately wishing I knew what to say to make things better. But maybe I just need to start climbing out of the cave where I've been watching these fake-ass reflections of life and actually start living my own.

God be with me.

EDIT: Quoting-- "The intelligent design movement belittles God. It makes God a designer, an engineer," said Vatican Observatory Director George Coyne, an astrophysicist who is also ordained. "The God of religious faith is a god of love. He did not design me."

It's idiotic stuff like this that makes intelligent christians the source of mockery everywhere. God did not design you? Who are YOU to tell God what he did and did not do! *rage*

Wishes for a lost love

WISHES FOR A LOST LOVE
by Sean Williams
(reprinted with permission of the author)

I wish for you these things.
I wish you every moment of happiness
I wish you laughter every day, so that you may know the joy you bring to others
I wish you games and play
I wish you footrubs and backrubs and belly rubs
I wish you warmth and comfort
I wish you footlights and spotlights and light in your soul
I wish you the love of God, so that you may know you are never alone
I wish you food and taste, so you may know contentment and flavor
I wish you naps, so you may know rest
I wish you peace
I wish you success and fortune
I wish you eyes wide open, so you may see all the gifts around you
I wish you candlelight and moonlight, so you may know all good things are not easily seen
I wish you kisses and caresses, so you may know bliss
I wish you snow-covered nights, so you may know beauty
I wish you a kitten's purr, so you may know love given freely
I wish you time, that you may know how fleeting it is
I wish you tea, that you may know warmth from within
I wish you hot baths
I wish you a mirror, so you may see what others see in you
But above all these things,
I wish you love.
For you brought that gift to me, and I can never repay it.
May all these things come to you, so that you may know life.

What is Love? (Baby, don't hurt me...)

So... I ripped the title of this post off from an early 90's pop song. Sue me. (listening to: High, by Feeder)

Is Love a feeling that you have, something that you share with someone, or something that is shown by what you do?

For example, if I think that I'm in love with someone who doesn't love me back, am I really in love? If and when I get over that feeling, will I look back on it and say, "Boy.. was I wrong about that." Or, will I always carry that scar and learn to bear it proudly, saying "This hurt, but I'm stronger for it."

Or, is love only really love when you have someone to share it with? Someone you lie next to and stay awake just to hear them fall asleep, and then mumble under their breath something only for you to hear (and possibly make fun of them later for)? Someone who can look into your eyes and see you just as you see them when you look into theirs? Is THAT what love means?

Or, finally, is it Love only when someone can look at the things you've done and say, "Wow. That person must really be in love with that other person. Look at what they've done." Can two people love each other without ever telling the other person? My friend Daisy, ironically, is fascinated with unrequited love. Is love still unrequited if both people feel the same way, but never actually say the words?

Or is it some combination of these? Can I love someone who doesn't love me, never share that love with them, but show how much I love them by giving up my love and allowing them to love another? Giving them up truly, completely, knowing they will never feel the same way for you no matter how much you give them? Or is it only really love when both people agree that they are "in love," and willing to do whatever it takes to preserve such an amazing occurance? When you consider the odds that the person you love actually loves you back, and that one of you is willing to say it... well, it's staggering just how unlikely that is compared with the heartbreak that occurs nearly every single hour of every day. From some pigtailed girl circling "No," to the wife who can't take not loving her husband anymore and leaves him... it seems that love is doomed almost from the start. Maybe it's better never to have loved at all, if the end of the road is so much more likely to end in pain.

What is love?
Baby don't hurt me,
Baby don't hurt me,
No more.