Sunday, Bloody Sunday

Another week has begun, and what do I have to show for it? (listening to: My Dad Snoring)

Welcome, bloggers, to another installment of what "Vaulted" would have you believe is a nonsensical musing of "poison," I believe is the term s/he used. I suppose at least someone is taking an interest in my blogging.. be it a negative interest, but hey.. we can't all be liked.

Let's see... went to church tonight. Tackled the always-touchy subject of sex and relationships. Now, before I give any of my viewers more ammunitiion to use against me, let me just pre-empt the flaming by saying that I haven't had a steady relationship in about three years. Yes, this would be what most catholic priests refer to as a "dry spell." (Perhaps they would use the term "vow of chastity," but I'm not ready to call it that.. yet.) But I think that the topic is a valid one, to committed and browsing individuals alike. Let's explore.

What, then, is the use of a relationship, between meeting and marriage? Well, some would say that there is no goal of a relationhip inbetween these stages, save to prepare and possibly filter to that final goal of ultimate commitment. However, I know of many people who have yet to marry in their late forties and early fifties and beyond, and they seem perfectly happy. Moreover, I know of a few young people (read: twenties) who see themselves as marked to lead the single lifestyle, never committing to anyone. Now, while I don't condone either philosophy as something to aspire to, but to each their own.

Personally, I've always seen the budding relationship with the (much) fairer sex to be an end in and of itself. Just the time spent with one another, the learning, the growing, the arguing, the eating, sleeping and breathing of the same air together to be a wholly satisfying experience. Now, while most cultures have marriage in one form or the other, I wouldn't doubt that the Mormon faith (while misguided in therms of polygamy) had a clue as to part of the human spirit: We are beings with great capacity to love, and to be loved. We love touch, we loved to be wanted, desired, needed, even made to feel angry by someone special to us. In this way, it seems almost a crime to be shackled to providing this gift to just one person for the rest of our lives. Shouldn't we be able to share our love with as many people as we can in our lifespan? Our friends, colleagues, co-workers, and acquaintances?

The answer to this question, while seemingly obvious, (yes) holds within it a deeper question, whose answer resounds with truth: What purpose does it serve to be close to someone? Why, the purpose of being intimate (emotional, not physical, sickos) with someone is to love them for who they are, and to be loved for what they see in you. I quote a wise philosopher: "When you fall in love with someone, you see them for who they truly are. And if it's true love, you see how they see you, through their eyes, so it's almost as if you're looking at yourself, falling in love with YOU. You see your own shortcomings, and failures, and annoying habits, and you accept them. Because if someone can love you with all of that, shouldn't you love yourself?"

People always say, "You can't love someone else until you love yourself, first." I throw my bullshit flag on this. I say that it's much more correct the other way: You can't truly love yourself until you know what it's like to be loved, in spite of who you are.

And I wonder if anyone has the courage to be truly loved like this. This, I think, is my ultimate goal. To find someone who can love me, despite being a dick.