Holy Mother of Posting! 29 days???

Well, an ever-growing community of bloggers. I must update my Friends list sometime soon. (Listening to: "El Tango de Roxanne," Moulin Rouge Soundtrack)

Nearly a month has gone by, and I find myself again at the keys, trying to find somethign to write about. So many things have happened since my last post... I guess that's why I should be posting more than once a month. Let's dive in, shall we?

ACTING WORLD:
I've started taking classes at ComedySportz in Minneapolis. A ten-week class focusing on character and choices in-scene. After two weeks, I've found that being on the student end of one of these classes, the ilk of which I have taught many a time before, is oddly refreshing. Just being able to sit back and take risks with other people just as nervous to make fools of themselves makes us all feel like we're instantly family. There's such a sense of "You dive off that cliff, I'm going with you" in the room sometimes that it makes me wonder what kind of capacity we're able to feel that in outside of a theatre class. Maybe if the UN took classes from CSz, then we'd be able to solve all sorts of problems. Maybe I'll write a letter to someone about this. Too bad Del Close is dead. He'd know what to do.

My one-act performs for competition tomorrow (1/27). Please keep these 11 kids in your thoughts. They've done such an amazing job with what I've been able to give them, and every show they do keeps getting better. I've very little doubt that we'll be the first CHS One-Act team to take our show to State. (Not to mention the fact that I get a bonus if we do. :) ) If nothing else, kids, do it for the sake of my bank account.

My friend Daisy seems to be going nowhere but up in her acting career. Landing a commercial gig with one of my favorite frozen drink companies, Orange Julius, and beginning a film acting class; on top of having representation with what I can see to be the three largest talent agencies in the Twin Cities, I can't help but feel both elated and a tad jealous. Maybe I should have been born an attractive woman. Thanks God. ;^)

WORK WORLD:
Can I just say... Oy. Those of you who know me or follow my blog will remember my phone being stolen a while back. Well, guess what. Somebody tried to get cash for it at my store just last week. He brings it up to the counter, and as I'm playing around with it to make sure it works correctly, I find a wallpaper that I had trasferred from my computer to my phone just days before it was stolen. Now, ordinarily, I would write this off as coincidence, but the thing is that I had MADE that wallpaper from a few pictures on Square-Enix's website, and named it "Sephiroth1." And now, here it is. "Sephiroth1" Staring at me. So, I send my boss to the back room to call the police, and they come and pick up the guy and the phone. He gets all pissed at me, telling me to tell them the truth, that he didn't steal my phone. I tell him I know that he didn't, but that he's got it. So, where did it come from?
"Uhh... I bought it from a friend."
riiiiiight. Ok. So.. fast forward a few days, I get the serial number from my phone out of my records, and call the police to verify ownership. BUZZZ. Wrong serial number. It's not my phone. I feel like a total jackass... but then I think... wait... that means that whoever stole my phone thought my wallpaper was cool and starting distributing it throughout the Twin Cities. So.. that's kinda cool, no?

PERSONAL LIFE:
I was thinking on my way home today from getting something to eat for breakfast that I haven't had a steady girlfriend in over three years. THREE years. 1,000 days have gone by without me being able to say, "Sure we can go out for a drink after work... let me just call my girlfriend..." And a feeling of sadness washed over me. Don't get me wrong, readers. I'm not bemoaning my lack of attachedness. I enjoy being single, as much as any young, lonely guy could. But, still.. there's a feeling of missing out on something. On missing out on having someone who waits for your call. Who doesn't do anything because they're waiting for you to do it with. Who feels lonely when you're not around, and and whose waist seems almost made for your arm. I don't know.. maybe I'm romanticizing the whole process, but I feel like with such a huge gap in my relationship calendar... do I even know how to do it anymore? Is having a relationship like riding a bike? Or is it a skill that must be practiced?

My good friend Biggy has begun a blog. He's quite possibly the funniest storyteller I know, and Daisy backs me up on this. I know Jeremy thinks highly of him, so if you want a good hearty soul shaking laugh, check out the blog. How's that for pressure, Biggy? He's also getting married next summer, so wish him the best for him and his fiance when you comment.

Also, I had the misfortune of stumbling upon more examples of hatred on the blog world in Jeremy's post of 101 random thoughts. It appears that "Anonymous" has come up with his own "Top ten best ways to flame a blogsite." Jeremy tells me that a response is in the works, so look for that in a grocer's freezer near you.

Alrighty. I think that about catches you all up pretty well. Hope it was worth the read. I promise not to be such a jerk about my blog in the future... As soon as my life dies down a bit, I'll post again.

Peace.

Pouring out onto the page

An interesting Christmas, to be sure. (listening to: Dave Matthews Band, "Where Are You Going?")

Ahhh... Christmas. How wonderful the time of year. Everything lightly dusted with a coat of freshly fallen snow, the streets also white with snow and ice, the windows of your room frosted with intricate patterns of frozen water spiderwebbing its way across the pane. Some might think that God himself paints the earth this way purposefully. Like the white page, the earth ready to be re-written in a new year, fresh with beginnings and possibility. With all this optimism around me, why do I feel so down?

Maybe it's many reasons. Maybe it's because my brother is home, and reminding me just how possible it is for one person to make an impact on their corner of the world. Something I've failed to do since being released from the safety net of college. Maybe it's because the holidays are a time for gathering together with loved ones, and family gatherings are filled with couples sharing the presence of each other in comfort and joy just to be together. Something I have yet to find. Maybe it's because something is trying to show me just how pointless it is to try and save money to start a new life, as everything around me breaks down, forcing me to dump more and more of the green into it just to stay afloat. Something I have yet to learn, or at least to put into practice.

Maybe it's a thousand of these reasons, and millions more that have yet to congeal themselves in my head. Overall, there is a very large sense of lonliness, inadequacy, and foolishness that all seem to add up to a very lonely holiday season. Fighting with friends, being unable to keep up even the closest friendships so I can look at something around me and be happy with it. TO be able to point to something... anything and say, "Look at what I've made. I'm proud of this." Lately my foot seems to find it's way into my mouth so often that I often wonder if I'm standing on my head.

The thing I've been told to cure the holiday blahs is to make a list of everything I'm thankful for, and give thanks that I have all those things. But every item on my laundry list seems to resonate more with things I don't have because of my foolishness than things I can take pride in. Living, as I do, day to day, I often feel like a duck on a pond. On the surface, everything looks calm. But below the surface, I'm paddling around furiously just to be able to breathe. I seek comfort where there is none, and the more I turn to things I have sought comfort in before, the more I find them falling away from me.

"I want to hold on to something that won't break away or fall apart; like the pieces of my heart."

When in Rome...

Well, I had no idea I was so popular. (listening to: Bob Marley, "No Woman, No Cry")

And so, my friends, my eager and waiting listeners, bask once again in the erudite ramblings of a lonely twenty-something, seeking meaning, purpose and truth from a blue state surrounded by the ever-baffling reds around us.

Where did we leave off? Oh, yes... the purpose of men in a rapidly-becoming matriarchal society. C.W.- I don't know if I believe that chivalry must conform to the standard that Mr. Christian-by-the-book has outlined in his blog, but I do honestly believe that men catering to women, showing them deference and respect should not be lost to the wind as we bow in all-seeing confirmation of your rule over us. Yes, you've become everything our grandfathers feared you would when your grandmothers realized that having boobs didn't mean they had to be them. And yes, I'm hoping that someday women will realize (convince themselves erroneously?) that they need men just as much as we need you. And I don't think I'm alone in that.

Despite the teaser in the first paragraph of today's post, I won't be delving into politics. I think enough has been said both through Television, and mass e-mail forwards (yes, I'm looking at you, FWD Freaks). Bush won. That sucks. Are we going to have to live with it? Yes. So. let's do what Europe has done, and all give the bumbling idiot a shot again. After all, we're stuck with him for four more years. Might as well learn to live with him.

What else is going on... OH! I've got it. Ok, Here's what I want to talk about in this post. (Finally... some direction. Thank God.) Christmas presents. What should we base our purchases on this Holiday season? I was driving home from the store (where I myself rang up over $3000 of Video Game related holiday chaff in a four hour period) listening to the radio, when two local DJ's started talking about this caller who was having a crisis. Turns out she had bought her boyfriend some really nice ($1,000) golf clubs for Christmas. Something he had wanted for a very long time. And when he found out, he went completely ape. He thought that since she made more money than he did, she was rubbing that in his face by buying him a gift he couldn't possibly compete with monetarily. Now.. wait just a damn minute, folks. Have we gotten so caught up in our pocketbooks that we assess HOW MUCH people are spending on us for Christmas gifts, and have to weasel our way into finding out the MSRP for each package under the tree so we stay even keel with those we love? Does this seem particularly wrong to anyone else? I've experienced it first hand. Friends balk at me when I spend a sizable amount on them for Christmas, saying it's too much. Where is that written? Is there some sort of website that I should be referencing, some sort of mathematical formula that will yield my appropriate budget for my Christmas gifts?

$$ = (months known friend) x (average hours spent a week in contact with friend) + (number of "no way I'll forget THAT" moments) / (times they've embarrassed you) - (times they've slept with your significant other)?

[PS- If any of you want to apply the above formula and let me know how much I should be spending on you, that'd be awesome.]

Help me out, folks, 'cause it makes no f'ing sense to me. Can't I buy somethign for someone I know they'd like, and not have to worry about how many times Lincoln's face crosses the counter in the process?? (He's on the Five Dollar bill, by the way)

The Sexual Revolution is Over

Wow.. has it really been over a week? (Listening to: Wonder Woman Theme)

I've been mulling this over for a long time now, and I've been trying to convince myself, and find a reason to believe that it's not true, but it truly is. The Sexual Revolution is over, and men have lost.

You see, women, your lot has been thrown and the die has been cast. You've become everything you aimed to become back in the 1950's when you burned your bras. In fact, we men have even stepped up your prize. You've not only gained equality among us men, it's gotten to the point where you don't even need us anymore. Allow me to explain.

Remember that young cave couple I mentioned a few blog posts ago? The man was needed in that relationship, because the woman could not go out and hunt on her own. The man was built stronger, faster than she, so she was left in the cave to tend to the young cave-children. And while the bump on her head hurt from being dragged there, she was sort of ok with her lot in life. Now, before all you feminists begin to raise Cain and tell me that I'm calling for a return to the "little-woman-takes-care-of-the-kids" society, let me allay your anger. I'm not saying that's what we should be, I'm just pointing out a fact. That's how things were.

Enter the 1950's. Women decide that they're not going to put up with being the "fairer sex" anymore, and things begin to change. Come 2004, and women look around and see that they can earn their own living, take care of children, be emotionally stable and make their own trail. Most importantly, they look around and see all these men and think, "Now.. why are you here?"

I used to wonder why there were so many single women who didn't seem to have time for relationships of a romantic nature. I see now that I was fooling myself. It's not that you don't have time for us, it's that you don't need us. Seriously, what does a woman need a man for now? Women used to need men to fight for them. To defend them against the evil of this world, and to drive fast cars towards cliffs to prove our masculinity so we could open the suicide door for you, and let you join us in our lives. But today's world has told us that "Being a man" is somewhat of an antiquated concept. No longer are we to fight each other to prove dominance. Sports and atletic competition are increasingly put-offs to women, and what we men stand for is becoming more and more dissatisfying to women. We can't be your knights in shining armor anymore, because the world has taken away all the dragons.

Men still need women, though, and here comes the sort of hole we've dug for ourselves. Men need to feel loved, to feel needed, to feel like we still matter in some way. We need sex, and intimacy more than women care to believe, and MUCH more then we're willing to admit. Women, on the other hand, don't need sex. Or physical love. They can go for years, even their whole lives without it and never feel like they've lost anything. A man goes for 25 years without sex, and his peers look down on him as if he is a freak.

So, Johnny, tell the women what they've won.

Alllll Righty, Madjai. Ladies, you've earned a life without dependency! That's right, you'll spend 65 years in a constant state of unease, pretending that you need men! You can do everything you need by yourself, but still society says that you need to get married. Fabulous prizes await you as you blaze your own trail to fame and glory, all the while owing your success to no one! You don't need the Marlboro Man, girls... You're perfect Just The Way You Are!!!

Think about this girls. Before you all tell me I'm a chauvenist pig and that I'm outdated in my thinking. It's not that we don't want you to be independent. We really do. We think you should get paid the same as us for the same work. But at the end of the day, we need you. Very badly. And you don't need us. And we're starting to wonder if we can ever go back to needing each other in a very real and powerful way. Or maybe we've gone too far, and soon, we'll all be single and loving it. Is that sad?

Losing a friend

Hey blogsite friends, how are we today? (listening to: Soul Asylum, "Misery")

Question for the day: What's worth fighting for? If you had, for example, a brother you didn't get along with all that well, would you just pretend to like him at holidays and family picnics? or mightn't you sit down with him and figure out just what it is that sits at the bottom of your dispute? Wouldn't it be better to sit down, break bread, and find out just what's wrong in your relationship? Maybe I'm old-fashioned, but if people actually talked about things that bothered them, rather than saying, "I'm fine," or "I don't want to talk about it," wouldn't the world be a better place?

Now, I'm not saying that there isn't a time and place for moments of pause. Time to reflect, and examine, what you're feeling and what that means. But when that time is over, don't you think that there are some relationships in your life that are worth fighting tooth and nail to save, rather than to just say, "You know, this just isn't working. I think I'm done with this." Maybe more marriages would last in this country if people were willing to talk over their problems, rather than just argue about them until the fight becomes so big that you can't see what the problem is anymore. It's all about the fight.

But it's not, people. And I mean this. So, listen the fuck up. Fighting gets you somewhere, sure. Letting off anger in a heated discussion can be very cathartic for both people, and may be the best way to let the other person know that the situation being created is completely unacceptable to you. But at the end of the fight, it really is time to kiss and make up. If you've taken the time to be friends with this person, then there's something underneath each one of your little annoyances that the other person enjoys. Whatever that may be, it's important to see that, and not lose sight of that. If the time comes to move on with your life, then that's the decision that needs to be made. But make damn sure that that's the only option left before you tell someone that you need to move on.

Personal relationships are some of the most precious things we as human beings have in this world, and to lose one for something trivial is a catastrophe. Love one another, be understanding, and show them that you love them once in a while. You may find that the trust you gain, and the friendship that you share might just be enough to save your life someday. And don't take that lightly. I know from experience.

"And, in the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make."
-John Lennon

"Be Excellent to each other."
-Abraham Lincoln, as quoted by _Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure_