Well, I had no idea I was so popular. (listening to: Bob Marley, "No Woman, No Cry")
And so, my friends, my eager and waiting listeners, bask once again in the erudite ramblings of a lonely twenty-something, seeking meaning, purpose and truth from a blue state surrounded by the ever-baffling reds around us.
Where did we leave off? Oh, yes... the purpose of men in a rapidly-becoming matriarchal society. C.W.- I don't know if I believe that chivalry must conform to the standard that Mr. Christian-by-the-book has outlined in his blog, but I do honestly believe that men catering to women, showing them deference and respect should not be lost to the wind as we bow in all-seeing confirmation of your rule over us. Yes, you've become everything our grandfathers feared you would when your grandmothers realized that having boobs didn't mean they had to be them. And yes, I'm hoping that someday women will realize (convince themselves erroneously?) that they need men just as much as we need you. And I don't think I'm alone in that.
Despite the teaser in the first paragraph of today's post, I won't be delving into politics. I think enough has been said both through Television, and mass e-mail forwards (yes, I'm looking at you, FWD Freaks). Bush won. That sucks. Are we going to have to live with it? Yes. So. let's do what Europe has done, and all give the bumbling idiot a shot again. After all, we're stuck with him for four more years. Might as well learn to live with him.
What else is going on... OH! I've got it. Ok, Here's what I want to talk about in this post. (Finally... some direction. Thank God.) Christmas presents. What should we base our purchases on this Holiday season? I was driving home from the store (where I myself rang up over $3000 of Video Game related holiday chaff in a four hour period) listening to the radio, when two local DJ's started talking about this caller who was having a crisis. Turns out she had bought her boyfriend some really nice ($1,000) golf clubs for Christmas. Something he had wanted for a very long time. And when he found out, he went completely ape. He thought that since she made more money than he did, she was rubbing that in his face by buying him a gift he couldn't possibly compete with monetarily. Now.. wait just a damn minute, folks. Have we gotten so caught up in our pocketbooks that we assess HOW MUCH people are spending on us for Christmas gifts, and have to weasel our way into finding out the MSRP for each package under the tree so we stay even keel with those we love? Does this seem particularly wrong to anyone else? I've experienced it first hand. Friends balk at me when I spend a sizable amount on them for Christmas, saying it's too much. Where is that written? Is there some sort of website that I should be referencing, some sort of mathematical formula that will yield my appropriate budget for my Christmas gifts?
$$ = (months known friend) x (average hours spent a week in contact with friend) + (number of "no way I'll forget THAT" moments) / (times they've embarrassed you) - (times they've slept with your significant other)?
[PS- If any of you want to apply the above formula and let me know how much I should be spending on you, that'd be awesome.]
Help me out, folks, 'cause it makes no f'ing sense to me. Can't I buy somethign for someone I know they'd like, and not have to worry about how many times Lincoln's face crosses the counter in the process?? (He's on the Five Dollar bill, by the way)
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6 comments:
perhaps the formula should read:
$$ = (months known friend) x (average hours spent a week in contact with friend) + (number of "no way I'll forget THAT" moments) / (times they've slept with your significant other) - (times they've embarrassed you)
(just because i seem to care more about my friends sleeping with my significant other rather than the number of times they've embarassed me.
unfortunately in this postmodern society, material possessions = status/power/love. the more you buy someone, supposedly the more you love him/her. those who perhaps cannot afford to return the favor to its fullest monetary extent, may feel inadequate or embarassed because of how much emphasis is placed on money and posessions in society.
now, however much postmodernity depresses me, i sometimes revel in it because:
A. i like buying things
B. more importantly, i like buying things for other people. (it's my hobby)
when someone buys me an expensive gift, however, i tend to feell undeserving and somewhat embarassed--do i deserve this? why? how can i repay this generosity?
perhaps this is why golf club boy freaked out. the gift made him feel inadequate and undeserving.
C.W. - I thought about arranging my formula that way, but I'd think that most of my friends have embarrassed me more than they've slept with my significant other. Thusly, if we arrange the formula your way, the denominator becomes negative (in the most hopeful scenario). Which, as we all know, when the denominator is negative in a fraction, the number becomes irrational.
Looking over fraction again... Oh.. I see... that should read "over the QUANTITY..."
Hope this helps. :)
AP- Read the post. The second sentence answers your question.
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