Bible Study

EDIT: Not really worthy of a whole new post, but please, if you've read the post below, then this is new content: My Johari Window. Click that and pick six words from the grid that you think describe me best. You'll see what I picked, and what others chose. Could be interesting. Give it a shot? Thanks. And, now, back to the action....

So, since I inspired a post on Jeremy's Blog, I thought it only fitting that he got equal treatment. Plus, it's Ash Wednesday, the beginning day of Lent. (listening to: "Awesome God" by Jars of Clay... really.)

I'm going to quote the Bible now. I'm serious. You can look it up, this is actually from the Bible:
GENESIS 9:20-25
And Noah began [to be] an husbandman, and he planted a vineyard. And he drank of the wine, and was drunken; and he was uncovered within his tent. And Ham, the father of Canaan, saw the nakedness of his father, and told his two brethren without. And Shem and Japheth took a garment, and laid [it] upon both their shoulders, and went backward, and covered the nakedness of their father; and their faces [were] backward, and they saw not their father's nakedness. And Noah awoke from his wine, and knew what his younger son had done unto him. And he said, Cursed [be] Canaan; a servant of servants shall he be unto his brethren.

...

What? Seriously? Noah got upset that his son saw him naked after a drunken binge, and cursed his line forever? And thus began the curse of the Canaanites? I'm curious as to what we're supposed to learn from this particular Biblical passage. I don't forsee many sermons or homilies on the topic, and I doubt anyone will have it read by their cousins at their weddings. Who put this in here in the first place?

Well, I'm so glad you asked. Here, in Dialogue form, is my interpretation of how this passage made the final Biblical cut.

TIME: Sometime long ago AD
PLACE: England, High Templar Council

Templar Leader: "Alright, everyone. Thanks for coming today. We're going to try and get this done today so we can get these Bibles out within the next hundred years. *laughter* Ok... Let's decide what stays and what goes. I guess, let's just go aroudn the table and have everyone say what they think should be kept in the Bible, and why. Templar Fundir, you go first."
Templar Fundir: "Alright, *ahem* Umm, I really think the whole story with Jonah and the big fish should stay. It's a good story, and it shows how we can change God's mind if we repent."
Templar Leader: "Agreed. Ok. That's in. Templar Gridmal?"
Templar Gridmal: "Yeah, I think we can't have the Bible without the Eve and the Serpent story.. it really moves the whole Garden of Eden narrative along and forces some conflict."
Templar Leader: "Totally. Yeah. We'll put that towards the beginning, then."
*Templar Moordok barges in, late for the meeting and reeking of mead*
Templar Moordok: "Heeeeeeyyyyyyyy Everybody!! What'sh going on???"
Templar Leader: "Moordok, we're working. We don't have time for your drunken ramblings. Go sober up, and come back tomorrow."
Templar Moordok: "Awwwww... Come oonnn, buddy! Don't be such a buzzkill! I'll be cool. I can even help! What're we doing? Ohh!!!! Bible work!!! I'm TOTALLY in. I've got the BEST idea for a story. Peep this- What if... like.. NOAH.. you know.. the boat guy? What if he like, gets off the boat... and is the first guy to make wine in the new Earth? That'd be AWESOME! He could, like, make wine, and get totally drunk, and then like, PASS OUT NAKED in his tent! That'd be schweet!"
Templar Leader: "*sigh* Moordok, that's stupid. We're trying to do some serious work here. Can you please leave so we can get this done?"
Templar Moordok: "And then... And then... like.. His son TOTALLY walks into his tent.. and SEES him naked! *drunken laughter* And he tells his brothers, and they're all like, 'Oh, man! That's horrible! You had to see Dad naked!' And they like, don't want to see him naked, so they walk in backwards and cover him up! And then.. and, and, and then.. Noah's really embarrased, right? So he yells at his son for coming in without knocking!!"
Templar Leader: "That's very creative, Moordok. Why don't you go write it all down and send us a copy. And we'll think about it."
Templar Moordok: *suddenly very serious* "Don't you tell me what to do. You're not the boss of me! You're always telling me what to do, and I never get to have a say in it. You'll put my story in the Bible, or I won't be held responsible for what happens."
Templar Leader: "Don't you dare threaten a Templar! Moordok, you're so drunk you couldn't even lift a pike, let alon--"
*Moordok throws his pike into Gridmal's chest, killing him instantly. He then draws his axe and slams it into the table*
Templar Leader: "SWEET GOD, MOORDOK!!! ALRIGHT! Just stop! We'll put your story in the Bible.. just... Enough!"
*Moordok raises his mead jug to his lips again, draining it in one mighty drink*
Templar Moordok: "That's right you will. I didn't want it to come to this. But y'all better recognize the skills next time. I'm out. Oh.. and one more thing. My boss is a Jewish Carpenter. Jesus 4 life."

--SCENE--

Those english, man.. they can really drink.