For you will surely get it. (listening to: "Songbird" by Eva Cassidy)
Here's something I jsut don't get, and maybe my blog community (newly expanded to fit c.wika, whose absence was inexcusable, and for which I will always owe apologies) can help me out here.
If someone tells you that they want something, not necessarily tangible, and then gets it, why is it that they are sometimes disappointed? I give you one of my amazingly detailed anecdotal examples.
Ross and Monica have been together forever. That's right. Forever. Since the dawn of time. And since the Beginning Monica has been telling Ross that the only thing she would change about him is the way he laughs. You see, Ross is a snort-laugher. And most of the time, his snort laughing makes everyone laugh harder. It's a gentle snort, certainly not the high-octane, full-blown geek snort laugh that Saved by the Bell taught us to hate. And one day, Ross goes to the doctor and has laser surgery to remove the defect in the back of his throat (turns out his hangy-ball of courage didn't quite cover the opening in his larnyx. Silly.) and his snort laugh is gone. Just like that. Ross is so happy that he was finally able to give Monica just what she wanted, that he calls her up and tells her to meet him at Central Perk for coffee. They meet for coffee, and Ross and Monica share a few laughs.
What happens, of course, is that Ross laughs snort-free, and it takes Monica a bit to realize that something is wrong. This isn't the same noise she's always heard from Ross. Something's changed, and while the snort was a bit annoying, it was who he was. And now, he's changed. Monica realizes that the snort was cute, and a little bit endearing. And now that it's gone, she certainly can't tell him that she's a little sad that it's gone.
-FIN-
This may be alittle out there for an example, but similar examples occur with frightening regularity in my life, and I just don't get it. Why is it that certain people claim to want one thing forever, and then when they get it, they seem almost sad that they got it. Was it the fight that they enjoyed? The conflict? The fact that there was something to bitch about? Please help me understand this, everyone, 'cause I'm clueless.
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8 comments:
answer: it is because we are selfish beings in a constant state of want. at the same time, we like to think of ourselves as martyrs--and when we finally get what we want, we can no longer play the role.
p.s. if Monica and Ross had been together since the dawn of time, then why wasn't Monica with him at his surgery?
I agree with c.wika on the "constant state of want" thing (although I'm not sure I understand the martyr part).
We always want, this we cannot change. The trick is, I think, to not lose appreciation for what we have. Too often (using relationships as an example) we let our desire for more (either inside or outside of that relationship) drown our appreciation for the relationsip we have.
Can this be done? I think so. "How?" is another question. I think that it involves a conscious effort to appreciate. The wants come naturally and can overwhelm us without us ever knowing it. Because of this, we need to make a real effort to continue appreciation for what we have.
We all know the "you don't know what you have until its gone" line. I think that this phrase can be true, but I don't think it has to be. Why can we know what we have when we have it?
I was about to launch into a diatribe but pulled back...
Here is a summary of what I was going to say:
I think Bhuddism deals directly with this question as the main tenet of its religion. But sitting in the corner pretending your not thinking doesn't seem like the answer that will provide the best possible human life. Suffer well I say. Want away. Just keep in mind that part of human existance is to not actually to reach the end of the road. Survival instincts drive us to keep wanting, moving, building, and working even if there are no immediate dangers. Just be happy that your wants and desires are frustrated over some bullshit girly gag me stuff and not your ability to get food or shelter.
“It is safe to assume that most of our desires are not connected to the relief of such an obvious distress as starvation. I desire such things as a cup of coffee or two in the morning, world peice, a smoothly writing pen, a stimulating discussion in my introductory philosophy course, the abolition of nuclear weapons, grand philosophical insights, and that others fare well. Some of these desrires I will satisfy, others I will not. Some of those that I satisfy will need to be satisfied again and again. Some I will satisfy and be disappointed in their result. Some I will never satisfy because of my inability, because the object is unrealizable, or because it entails the cooperation of others which I cannot arrange. What is it, though, about a desire which is painful to have?” (Cartwright, 58)(not time for a proper source)
Suffering is not always negative he concludes. We make it negative, by choosing to view the striving as being a negative experience. (Unless it is something like starvation, where the unsatisfying of the desire will actually kill you)
You can't always get what you want...
But if you try sometimes, you just might find you get what you need.
Words to live by. Or to use in a CLIMB class and have students look at you like you have a poodle on your head.
Are you sure you didn't tell them you had a poodle on your head? 'cause from what I know of CLIMB's material, I wouldn't rule it out.
Isn't there a new PerfCo script dealing with acceptance of differences with the main character called Poodlehead? If not, there should be. Peg, if you're reading this... start writing.
i'm sitting here at my kitchen table enjoying the sun, the squirrels, and the nice spring breeze outside my back door....but i have NOTHING good to read.
post (bitch), and make me happy.
New post coming tonight. Promise.
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