Something I've been wondering about off and on for a while now, and I'm curous if anyone else has the same thoughts I do... (listening to "Screaming Infidelities" by Dashboard Confessional)
So... I'm walking through Target this morning, waiting for the sushi guy to get his act together and put out today's fresh raw seafood covered in rice and yummy goodness when I pass by the TV wall. You all know the TV wall at Target. Fully half of these TVs are showing (mostly) bad music videos from the "Target Network," while the other half are showing horrible daytime TV. Now, I'm walking by them and what catches my ear is the phrase, "He's going to leave you? How do you know? Ray? Are you going to leave her?"
BACKSTORY FOLLOWS:
Trishelle is an extremely overweight woman who is (married? living with? lovers with?) her man, Ray. Maury Povich, in his infinite wisdom and philanthropy has decided to confront Ray with the information that Trishelle has taken to whoring herself out for money to support their two children.
Ray... I'm really feeling for Ray right now. He obviously loves this woman, they've got two kids and have been together for four years. He has to find out on National Television that his wife has been cheating on hime with... survey says-- at least THIRTY other men. And while Ray is trying to soak all of this in, he has to deal with Maury asking him, "You're not going to leave Trishelle, are you?"
FADE TO FANTASY WHERE I'M RAY:
Maury: "Ray? You're not going to leave Trishelle, are you?"
Me: "Well, Shit, Maury... let me think about this for just a second. I mean, I know that you're gonna want an answer to that question before you cut to a commercial break so you and your viewers can either applaud my chivalry or boo my boorishness. I know all this Maury, but give me just a minute to deal with the fact that my wife has been sleeping with the equivalent of a Major League Baseball team including pitching staff before I decide if I'm okay with that."
Maury: "Didn't you just say a few minutes ago that you're in love with this woman?"
(pause)
Me: "Hmm... Gosh, kind of a lot's happened since then, Maury."
And this is by no means the deviation from the standard of Modern Day television. What the hell is going on that people actually want to watch this trash? If you're a fan of the reality TV kick lately, then by all means, you should have stopped reading this post already. But, much like the Atkins kick, I think this is the stupidest thing ever. Television, for me, should be an escape from reality. Where I can walk alongside Kunta Kinte (Roots) and know what it was like to be there at that time, or laugh at families or groups of friends who can make the machine auto-laugh every ten seconds. (I'll bet I could get laughs like that if I had a team of six writers working forty hours a week on my jokes)
If I want to watch ugly people haggle over whether or not it's a good idea to incorporate their friends into their BDSM lifestyle, I'll pick up some extra hours at work.
Monday, February 07, 2005
Wednesday, February 02, 2005
Hazy days of Winter
Minnesota encounters a warm-up.... area man relaxes inside anyway. Film at 11. (listening to "So Damn Lucky," Dave Matthews)
I'm with Biggy. Here's my story of my day off this morning. I got up early, and thought to go for a bike ride. In my head, I'm thinking that this is really odd, since I hate most outdoor activities, especially when I'm alone. But it was such a beautiful day, that I just had to get out of the house and get some air.. it would do my cold good. SO, I went to the garage and got my bike down, and the tires were out of air. Bummer. So.. I put it in my car, and drove to the SA to get air. Filled up the tires, and got about 100 meters (Yes, I'm european now. Get over it) before BOTH tires exploded. BOTH. Not one, or the other, but BOTH. Sadness. So, I took it as a sign from God that I was just supposed to be lazy today, and came back and watched anime. Good old anime.
Stupid bike. More video games. Yes. This is the will of God. And the church, too, apparently. Right, Biggy?
I'm with Biggy. Here's my story of my day off this morning. I got up early, and thought to go for a bike ride. In my head, I'm thinking that this is really odd, since I hate most outdoor activities, especially when I'm alone. But it was such a beautiful day, that I just had to get out of the house and get some air.. it would do my cold good. SO, I went to the garage and got my bike down, and the tires were out of air. Bummer. So.. I put it in my car, and drove to the SA to get air. Filled up the tires, and got about 100 meters (Yes, I'm european now. Get over it) before BOTH tires exploded. BOTH. Not one, or the other, but BOTH. Sadness. So, I took it as a sign from God that I was just supposed to be lazy today, and came back and watched anime. Good old anime.
Stupid bike. More video games. Yes. This is the will of God. And the church, too, apparently. Right, Biggy?
Wednesday, January 26, 2005
Holy Mother of Posting! 29 days???
Well, an ever-growing community of bloggers. I must update my Friends list sometime soon. (Listening to: "El Tango de Roxanne," Moulin Rouge Soundtrack)
Nearly a month has gone by, and I find myself again at the keys, trying to find somethign to write about. So many things have happened since my last post... I guess that's why I should be posting more than once a month. Let's dive in, shall we?
ACTING WORLD:
I've started taking classes at ComedySportz in Minneapolis. A ten-week class focusing on character and choices in-scene. After two weeks, I've found that being on the student end of one of these classes, the ilk of which I have taught many a time before, is oddly refreshing. Just being able to sit back and take risks with other people just as nervous to make fools of themselves makes us all feel like we're instantly family. There's such a sense of "You dive off that cliff, I'm going with you" in the room sometimes that it makes me wonder what kind of capacity we're able to feel that in outside of a theatre class. Maybe if the UN took classes from CSz, then we'd be able to solve all sorts of problems. Maybe I'll write a letter to someone about this. Too bad Del Close is dead. He'd know what to do.
My one-act performs for competition tomorrow (1/27). Please keep these 11 kids in your thoughts. They've done such an amazing job with what I've been able to give them, and every show they do keeps getting better. I've very little doubt that we'll be the first CHS One-Act team to take our show to State. (Not to mention the fact that I get a bonus if we do. :) ) If nothing else, kids, do it for the sake of my bank account.
My friend Daisy seems to be going nowhere but up in her acting career. Landing a commercial gig with one of my favorite frozen drink companies, Orange Julius, and beginning a film acting class; on top of having representation with what I can see to be the three largest talent agencies in the Twin Cities, I can't help but feel both elated and a tad jealous. Maybe I should have been born an attractive woman. Thanks God. ;^)
WORK WORLD:
Can I just say... Oy. Those of you who know me or follow my blog will remember my phone being stolen a while back. Well, guess what. Somebody tried to get cash for it at my store just last week. He brings it up to the counter, and as I'm playing around with it to make sure it works correctly, I find a wallpaper that I had trasferred from my computer to my phone just days before it was stolen. Now, ordinarily, I would write this off as coincidence, but the thing is that I had MADE that wallpaper from a few pictures on Square-Enix's website, and named it "Sephiroth1." And now, here it is. "Sephiroth1" Staring at me. So, I send my boss to the back room to call the police, and they come and pick up the guy and the phone. He gets all pissed at me, telling me to tell them the truth, that he didn't steal my phone. I tell him I know that he didn't, but that he's got it. So, where did it come from?
"Uhh... I bought it from a friend."
riiiiiight. Ok. So.. fast forward a few days, I get the serial number from my phone out of my records, and call the police to verify ownership. BUZZZ. Wrong serial number. It's not my phone. I feel like a total jackass... but then I think... wait... that means that whoever stole my phone thought my wallpaper was cool and starting distributing it throughout the Twin Cities. So.. that's kinda cool, no?
PERSONAL LIFE:
I was thinking on my way home today from getting something to eat for breakfast that I haven't had a steady girlfriend in over three years. THREE years. 1,000 days have gone by without me being able to say, "Sure we can go out for a drink after work... let me just call my girlfriend..." And a feeling of sadness washed over me. Don't get me wrong, readers. I'm not bemoaning my lack of attachedness. I enjoy being single, as much as any young, lonely guy could. But, still.. there's a feeling of missing out on something. On missing out on having someone who waits for your call. Who doesn't do anything because they're waiting for you to do it with. Who feels lonely when you're not around, and and whose waist seems almost made for your arm. I don't know.. maybe I'm romanticizing the whole process, but I feel like with such a huge gap in my relationship calendar... do I even know how to do it anymore? Is having a relationship like riding a bike? Or is it a skill that must be practiced?
My good friend Biggy has begun a blog. He's quite possibly the funniest storyteller I know, and Daisy backs me up on this. I know Jeremy thinks highly of him, so if you want a good hearty soul shaking laugh, check out the blog. How's that for pressure, Biggy? He's also getting married next summer, so wish him the best for him and his fiance when you comment.
Also, I had the misfortune of stumbling upon more examples of hatred on the blog world in Jeremy's post of 101 random thoughts. It appears that "Anonymous" has come up with his own "Top ten best ways to flame a blogsite." Jeremy tells me that a response is in the works, so look for that in a grocer's freezer near you.
Alrighty. I think that about catches you all up pretty well. Hope it was worth the read. I promise not to be such a jerk about my blog in the future... As soon as my life dies down a bit, I'll post again.
Peace.
Nearly a month has gone by, and I find myself again at the keys, trying to find somethign to write about. So many things have happened since my last post... I guess that's why I should be posting more than once a month. Let's dive in, shall we?
ACTING WORLD:
I've started taking classes at ComedySportz in Minneapolis. A ten-week class focusing on character and choices in-scene. After two weeks, I've found that being on the student end of one of these classes, the ilk of which I have taught many a time before, is oddly refreshing. Just being able to sit back and take risks with other people just as nervous to make fools of themselves makes us all feel like we're instantly family. There's such a sense of "You dive off that cliff, I'm going with you" in the room sometimes that it makes me wonder what kind of capacity we're able to feel that in outside of a theatre class. Maybe if the UN took classes from CSz, then we'd be able to solve all sorts of problems. Maybe I'll write a letter to someone about this. Too bad Del Close is dead. He'd know what to do.
My one-act performs for competition tomorrow (1/27). Please keep these 11 kids in your thoughts. They've done such an amazing job with what I've been able to give them, and every show they do keeps getting better. I've very little doubt that we'll be the first CHS One-Act team to take our show to State. (Not to mention the fact that I get a bonus if we do. :) ) If nothing else, kids, do it for the sake of my bank account.
My friend Daisy seems to be going nowhere but up in her acting career. Landing a commercial gig with one of my favorite frozen drink companies, Orange Julius, and beginning a film acting class; on top of having representation with what I can see to be the three largest talent agencies in the Twin Cities, I can't help but feel both elated and a tad jealous. Maybe I should have been born an attractive woman. Thanks God. ;^)
WORK WORLD:
Can I just say... Oy. Those of you who know me or follow my blog will remember my phone being stolen a while back. Well, guess what. Somebody tried to get cash for it at my store just last week. He brings it up to the counter, and as I'm playing around with it to make sure it works correctly, I find a wallpaper that I had trasferred from my computer to my phone just days before it was stolen. Now, ordinarily, I would write this off as coincidence, but the thing is that I had MADE that wallpaper from a few pictures on Square-Enix's website, and named it "Sephiroth1." And now, here it is. "Sephiroth1" Staring at me. So, I send my boss to the back room to call the police, and they come and pick up the guy and the phone. He gets all pissed at me, telling me to tell them the truth, that he didn't steal my phone. I tell him I know that he didn't, but that he's got it. So, where did it come from?
"Uhh... I bought it from a friend."
riiiiiight. Ok. So.. fast forward a few days, I get the serial number from my phone out of my records, and call the police to verify ownership. BUZZZ. Wrong serial number. It's not my phone. I feel like a total jackass... but then I think... wait... that means that whoever stole my phone thought my wallpaper was cool and starting distributing it throughout the Twin Cities. So.. that's kinda cool, no?
PERSONAL LIFE:
I was thinking on my way home today from getting something to eat for breakfast that I haven't had a steady girlfriend in over three years. THREE years. 1,000 days have gone by without me being able to say, "Sure we can go out for a drink after work... let me just call my girlfriend..." And a feeling of sadness washed over me. Don't get me wrong, readers. I'm not bemoaning my lack of attachedness. I enjoy being single, as much as any young, lonely guy could. But, still.. there's a feeling of missing out on something. On missing out on having someone who waits for your call. Who doesn't do anything because they're waiting for you to do it with. Who feels lonely when you're not around, and and whose waist seems almost made for your arm. I don't know.. maybe I'm romanticizing the whole process, but I feel like with such a huge gap in my relationship calendar... do I even know how to do it anymore? Is having a relationship like riding a bike? Or is it a skill that must be practiced?
My good friend Biggy has begun a blog. He's quite possibly the funniest storyteller I know, and Daisy backs me up on this. I know Jeremy thinks highly of him, so if you want a good hearty soul shaking laugh, check out the blog. How's that for pressure, Biggy? He's also getting married next summer, so wish him the best for him and his fiance when you comment.
Also, I had the misfortune of stumbling upon more examples of hatred on the blog world in Jeremy's post of 101 random thoughts. It appears that "Anonymous" has come up with his own "Top ten best ways to flame a blogsite." Jeremy tells me that a response is in the works, so look for that in a grocer's freezer near you.
Alrighty. I think that about catches you all up pretty well. Hope it was worth the read. I promise not to be such a jerk about my blog in the future... As soon as my life dies down a bit, I'll post again.
Peace.
Monday, December 27, 2004
Pouring out onto the page
An interesting Christmas, to be sure. (listening to: Dave Matthews Band, "Where Are You Going?")
Ahhh... Christmas. How wonderful the time of year. Everything lightly dusted with a coat of freshly fallen snow, the streets also white with snow and ice, the windows of your room frosted with intricate patterns of frozen water spiderwebbing its way across the pane. Some might think that God himself paints the earth this way purposefully. Like the white page, the earth ready to be re-written in a new year, fresh with beginnings and possibility. With all this optimism around me, why do I feel so down?
Maybe it's many reasons. Maybe it's because my brother is home, and reminding me just how possible it is for one person to make an impact on their corner of the world. Something I've failed to do since being released from the safety net of college. Maybe it's because the holidays are a time for gathering together with loved ones, and family gatherings are filled with couples sharing the presence of each other in comfort and joy just to be together. Something I have yet to find. Maybe it's because something is trying to show me just how pointless it is to try and save money to start a new life, as everything around me breaks down, forcing me to dump more and more of the green into it just to stay afloat. Something I have yet to learn, or at least to put into practice.
Maybe it's a thousand of these reasons, and millions more that have yet to congeal themselves in my head. Overall, there is a very large sense of lonliness, inadequacy, and foolishness that all seem to add up to a very lonely holiday season. Fighting with friends, being unable to keep up even the closest friendships so I can look at something around me and be happy with it. TO be able to point to something... anything and say, "Look at what I've made. I'm proud of this." Lately my foot seems to find it's way into my mouth so often that I often wonder if I'm standing on my head.
The thing I've been told to cure the holiday blahs is to make a list of everything I'm thankful for, and give thanks that I have all those things. But every item on my laundry list seems to resonate more with things I don't have because of my foolishness than things I can take pride in. Living, as I do, day to day, I often feel like a duck on a pond. On the surface, everything looks calm. But below the surface, I'm paddling around furiously just to be able to breathe. I seek comfort where there is none, and the more I turn to things I have sought comfort in before, the more I find them falling away from me.
"I want to hold on to something that won't break away or fall apart; like the pieces of my heart."
Ahhh... Christmas. How wonderful the time of year. Everything lightly dusted with a coat of freshly fallen snow, the streets also white with snow and ice, the windows of your room frosted with intricate patterns of frozen water spiderwebbing its way across the pane. Some might think that God himself paints the earth this way purposefully. Like the white page, the earth ready to be re-written in a new year, fresh with beginnings and possibility. With all this optimism around me, why do I feel so down?
Maybe it's many reasons. Maybe it's because my brother is home, and reminding me just how possible it is for one person to make an impact on their corner of the world. Something I've failed to do since being released from the safety net of college. Maybe it's because the holidays are a time for gathering together with loved ones, and family gatherings are filled with couples sharing the presence of each other in comfort and joy just to be together. Something I have yet to find. Maybe it's because something is trying to show me just how pointless it is to try and save money to start a new life, as everything around me breaks down, forcing me to dump more and more of the green into it just to stay afloat. Something I have yet to learn, or at least to put into practice.
Maybe it's a thousand of these reasons, and millions more that have yet to congeal themselves in my head. Overall, there is a very large sense of lonliness, inadequacy, and foolishness that all seem to add up to a very lonely holiday season. Fighting with friends, being unable to keep up even the closest friendships so I can look at something around me and be happy with it. TO be able to point to something... anything and say, "Look at what I've made. I'm proud of this." Lately my foot seems to find it's way into my mouth so often that I often wonder if I'm standing on my head.
The thing I've been told to cure the holiday blahs is to make a list of everything I'm thankful for, and give thanks that I have all those things. But every item on my laundry list seems to resonate more with things I don't have because of my foolishness than things I can take pride in. Living, as I do, day to day, I often feel like a duck on a pond. On the surface, everything looks calm. But below the surface, I'm paddling around furiously just to be able to breathe. I seek comfort where there is none, and the more I turn to things I have sought comfort in before, the more I find them falling away from me.
"I want to hold on to something that won't break away or fall apart; like the pieces of my heart."
Friday, December 17, 2004
When in Rome...
Well, I had no idea I was so popular. (listening to: Bob Marley, "No Woman, No Cry")
And so, my friends, my eager and waiting listeners, bask once again in the erudite ramblings of a lonely twenty-something, seeking meaning, purpose and truth from a blue state surrounded by the ever-baffling reds around us.
Where did we leave off? Oh, yes... the purpose of men in a rapidly-becoming matriarchal society. C.W.- I don't know if I believe that chivalry must conform to the standard that Mr. Christian-by-the-book has outlined in his blog, but I do honestly believe that men catering to women, showing them deference and respect should not be lost to the wind as we bow in all-seeing confirmation of your rule over us. Yes, you've become everything our grandfathers feared you would when your grandmothers realized that having boobs didn't mean they had to be them. And yes, I'm hoping that someday women will realize (convince themselves erroneously?) that they need men just as much as we need you. And I don't think I'm alone in that.
Despite the teaser in the first paragraph of today's post, I won't be delving into politics. I think enough has been said both through Television, and mass e-mail forwards (yes, I'm looking at you, FWD Freaks). Bush won. That sucks. Are we going to have to live with it? Yes. So. let's do what Europe has done, and all give the bumbling idiot a shot again. After all, we're stuck with him for four more years. Might as well learn to live with him.
What else is going on... OH! I've got it. Ok, Here's what I want to talk about in this post. (Finally... some direction. Thank God.) Christmas presents. What should we base our purchases on this Holiday season? I was driving home from the store (where I myself rang up over $3000 of Video Game related holiday chaff in a four hour period) listening to the radio, when two local DJ's started talking about this caller who was having a crisis. Turns out she had bought her boyfriend some really nice ($1,000) golf clubs for Christmas. Something he had wanted for a very long time. And when he found out, he went completely ape. He thought that since she made more money than he did, she was rubbing that in his face by buying him a gift he couldn't possibly compete with monetarily. Now.. wait just a damn minute, folks. Have we gotten so caught up in our pocketbooks that we assess HOW MUCH people are spending on us for Christmas gifts, and have to weasel our way into finding out the MSRP for each package under the tree so we stay even keel with those we love? Does this seem particularly wrong to anyone else? I've experienced it first hand. Friends balk at me when I spend a sizable amount on them for Christmas, saying it's too much. Where is that written? Is there some sort of website that I should be referencing, some sort of mathematical formula that will yield my appropriate budget for my Christmas gifts?
$$ = (months known friend) x (average hours spent a week in contact with friend) + (number of "no way I'll forget THAT" moments) / (times they've embarrassed you) - (times they've slept with your significant other)?
[PS- If any of you want to apply the above formula and let me know how much I should be spending on you, that'd be awesome.]
Help me out, folks, 'cause it makes no f'ing sense to me. Can't I buy somethign for someone I know they'd like, and not have to worry about how many times Lincoln's face crosses the counter in the process?? (He's on the Five Dollar bill, by the way)
And so, my friends, my eager and waiting listeners, bask once again in the erudite ramblings of a lonely twenty-something, seeking meaning, purpose and truth from a blue state surrounded by the ever-baffling reds around us.
Where did we leave off? Oh, yes... the purpose of men in a rapidly-becoming matriarchal society. C.W.- I don't know if I believe that chivalry must conform to the standard that Mr. Christian-by-the-book has outlined in his blog, but I do honestly believe that men catering to women, showing them deference and respect should not be lost to the wind as we bow in all-seeing confirmation of your rule over us. Yes, you've become everything our grandfathers feared you would when your grandmothers realized that having boobs didn't mean they had to be them. And yes, I'm hoping that someday women will realize (convince themselves erroneously?) that they need men just as much as we need you. And I don't think I'm alone in that.
Despite the teaser in the first paragraph of today's post, I won't be delving into politics. I think enough has been said both through Television, and mass e-mail forwards (yes, I'm looking at you, FWD Freaks). Bush won. That sucks. Are we going to have to live with it? Yes. So. let's do what Europe has done, and all give the bumbling idiot a shot again. After all, we're stuck with him for four more years. Might as well learn to live with him.
What else is going on... OH! I've got it. Ok, Here's what I want to talk about in this post. (Finally... some direction. Thank God.) Christmas presents. What should we base our purchases on this Holiday season? I was driving home from the store (where I myself rang up over $3000 of Video Game related holiday chaff in a four hour period) listening to the radio, when two local DJ's started talking about this caller who was having a crisis. Turns out she had bought her boyfriend some really nice ($1,000) golf clubs for Christmas. Something he had wanted for a very long time. And when he found out, he went completely ape. He thought that since she made more money than he did, she was rubbing that in his face by buying him a gift he couldn't possibly compete with monetarily. Now.. wait just a damn minute, folks. Have we gotten so caught up in our pocketbooks that we assess HOW MUCH people are spending on us for Christmas gifts, and have to weasel our way into finding out the MSRP for each package under the tree so we stay even keel with those we love? Does this seem particularly wrong to anyone else? I've experienced it first hand. Friends balk at me when I spend a sizable amount on them for Christmas, saying it's too much. Where is that written? Is there some sort of website that I should be referencing, some sort of mathematical formula that will yield my appropriate budget for my Christmas gifts?
$$ = (months known friend) x (average hours spent a week in contact with friend) + (number of "no way I'll forget THAT" moments) / (times they've embarrassed you) - (times they've slept with your significant other)?
[PS- If any of you want to apply the above formula and let me know how much I should be spending on you, that'd be awesome.]
Help me out, folks, 'cause it makes no f'ing sense to me. Can't I buy somethign for someone I know they'd like, and not have to worry about how many times Lincoln's face crosses the counter in the process?? (He's on the Five Dollar bill, by the way)
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