What I Do At Work

Seriously, someone please find me a better job. (listening to: someone hammering... like, 100 feet away)

While I don't have this exact conversation every day, here's a good example of what I do in between actual calls.

XXXX: bored
me: cracks knuckles
XXXX: your blog is un-updated
-- 14 minutes go by --
me: True business.
me: What should I blog about?
XXXX: i got nothing
me: Give me a topic
XXXX: hmm
XXXX: blackberry
me: Like, the phone?
-- 3 minutes go by --
XXXX: do your student loans make you ill?
XXXX: how can I make them go away...
XXXX: think I can just ignore them?
XXXX: how can I get a new social security numbeR?
me: I saw it in Coneheads... you just need to go find Adam Sandler. He'll hook you up.
XXXX: done and done
me: You know where to find him?
XXXX: he hangs out at the skylark
XXXX: i will see him tonight
XXXX is busy. You may be interrupting.

-- My Phone rings --

Me: "Thank you for calling xxxxxx Support, This is , How can I help you?"
Caller: "Hi... I have a problem."
Me: "Alright, Can I have your site ID?" (A 5-digit code that each company gets to identify themselves to us.)
Caller: "XXXXX"
Me: "Ok. Who am I speaking with?"
Caller: "Mike."
-- Pause, as I wait for him to say his last name, as I'm sure he's not the only person named "Mike" in the company. Finally... --
Me: "What's your last name, Mike?"
Mike: ""
Me: "Great. How can I help."
Mike: "My order entry program doesn't work."
-- At this point, I can tell this call is either going to be very long, or very short. And it will most definitely be painful. When a caller says something "doesn't work" and then doesn't say anything else, we can usually tell they have no idea what they're doing --
Me: "Alright. Can you clarify what you mean by 'doesn't work'?"
Mike: "I'm getting an error message."
Me: Thinking:"Well, Hallelujah."
-- At this point, there's another pause. You'd think that our friend Mikey would catch on that maybe I need to know what the error message says. Nope. --
Me: "What does the error message say, Mike?"
Mike: "Oh. You need that. Uhhh... It says 'customer is required.'"
-- I know the answer before I ask... --
Me: "Did you enter a customer into the order, Mike?"
Mike: "Oh. I have to do that?"
Me: "Yeah. The error message is telling you that the order needs a customer."
Mike: "Oh. OK."
*click*

Mike has hung up on me. Apparently, he's gotten what he needs from me. I feel so used. I write up the call-

PROBLEM DESCRIPTION:
User called in with an error message: "Customer is required" when entering a new order in order entry.

PROBLEM RESOLUTION:
Let user know that customer was a mandatory field. Customer hung up before solution could be verified.

-- Back to chat --
me: Some customers are idiots.
XXXX: no
me: Seriously. I have a college degree, and my grasp of basic logic is far beyond some of these mouth-breathers. These are IT professionals and System managers at these companies, and they can't decipher a simple error message.
XXXX: haha. I FOUGHT OFF THE CHINESE THIS MORNING. FLEX
XXXX is busy. You may be interrupting.

And so it goes.

END TRANSMISSION...