The Way Things Are

Alright. Here's the thing. I have several issues here, and I'm going to list them in no particular order. (listening to: Sports Night Theme)

1) This blog is about the Madjai. People start posting my first and last name up here regularly, and I'm going to be upset. It's not that I take internet anonymity very seriously, but as a favor to me, I'm the Madjai. Thanks.

2) This is not a bashing ground. People who know me, know that I'm a pretty fair guy who tends to get too emotionally involved in other people's business. Some of my friends like this, because they think it means I care, and I want to be a part of their lives. It does. But it also makes me a fucking doormat sometimes, and that's my problem.

Walker, I love you. You've always been on my side, and you never let me get stupid about myself. There are times that you and I see eye to eye on a lot of things, and you're one of the most important people in my life. And because I love you, I think you'll take this the right way. Be nice. I fucked my own relationships up on my own, and those little pieces I have left of what's good in my life I'm trying to hold on to. I apologize for deleting your last comment, but don't think that I don't agree with it. Pieces of it, anyway. More on that in a minute.

Opal, you've always been a cheerleader, and I appreciate that about you, but in this much, Walker is right. Things don't always end up happily. In fact, people die alone in this world every day, and if others could fix that by telling each other that they just *know* everything is going to be ok, then we'd all be famous and rich. The fact is that just ain't so. Some people find the one they're looking for and live happily ever after with them, and others don't, and they die with the memories that for just a few years, they had someone they cared about more than anything else. Someone they cared about enough to not kill themselves because their life was shitty, but that person gave them hope enough to keep living. Even if it WAS stupid hope that would never come true.

To Daisy, I have brought enough bullshit into her life as it stands right now, and I'm not going to bring it up again by launching into it again here. She knows how I feel, and as much as I try, that's not going to change anytime soon. I wish it could.

3) This is MY blog. Everyone has their own, so if someone feels the need to snipe at someone, go to their blog and do it. I will not allow my friends to rip on each other here, and I will NOT let my problems be the cause of additional problems that are NOT my fault. If you want to tell me you're in my corner, please do. I need that right now. Every day sucks a little bit more ass than the last one, and what I need most right now are my friends telling me that I'm not the complete asshole I feel like. What I don't need are people telling me that I should be looking at this from the other side of the coin. Trust me when I tell you right now that I KNOW what the other side of the coin is, I've looked at this from all the angles, but until you've been where I am, and where Walker has been, you don't get to tell us that things are going to work out. Sometimes they just don't. But that doesn't mean we go hunting to hurt people's feelings. Not on my watch. Walker may seem like he's being mean, and it may come off that way, but he's being loyal. He's being a real friend, and while I think he's a bit off-base, and doesn't have all the information, he's been through this only about a million times bigger, so we're all going to cut him some slack.

Some of you have called, some have e-mailed, and everyone wants to be there, and for me to talk about it. I really don't want to, and I apologize if this has hurt some of your feelings. It's not personal, but I don't want to get into it, because it's still too close to home. I thank you for your support, and I DO need good friends right now. So comment away, but leave your comments for ME here. Take your others elsewhere. And that goes for everyone.

That's it, I'm done. *waves hand and leaves*